The Power of Sleep Sanctuaries
Trying to fall asleep just seems to make it more elusive. Sleep is more like something we surrender to. And we can create more or less favorable conditions for that surrender to happen. Research is piling up about the importance of quality sleep. For instance, our immune cells work to physically clean up our brain during sleep, and channels open up for cerebrospinal fluid to circulate and rinse away waste products. Wow, sleep is like a car wash for the brain!
But it seems that our society doesn’t properly value or prioritize this essential nightly cleanup. Long after nightfall, we stay active with stimulating and even disturbing activities like social media scrolling, work emails, or other violent content – all on screens that stream simulated daylight into our eyes. Instead of peaceful crickets, we’re bombarded with artificial noise. And we tend to work with our minds, not our bodies, so we’re overstuffed with thoughts, worries, plans, and ideas without the counterbalance of exhausted muscles.
The empowering good news is that there is plenty we can do to counteract all this and create favorable conditions for sleep in the duration and quality we need. Of course, we need to check our caffeine intake and maintain other sleep-friendly habits like daily exercise, time outdoors, and closing our eating window two hours before bed. And we should all be alert to the dangers of sleep apnea, which is widespread even among those without obvious risk factors.
But today, I want to talk about optimizing the place where we at least attempt to put the day away and surrender to dreams, healing, and regeneration. What might an ideal bedroom look like for you? What I think of is a loft in a log cabin with the sounds of crickets and hooting owls and a deep vault of stars overhead if I step outside into the cool night air to use the outhouse. Right, that’s not where I live at all. But are there ways that my actual bedroom in a 1954 suburban house can be more like that? I say yes.
Creating Your Sleep Sanctuary
It seems to me that a good sleeping space needs to be dark, quiet, cool, calming for the mind, and soothing to the senses. It’s a sanctuary separate from the never-ending concerns of daytime, and it helps restore us even when we don’t fall asleep or return to sleep as quickly as we’d like.
Light has effects like a drug, impacting our hormones and other biological processes. Since humans began lighting up the night some 100 years ago, we’ve disrupted our own patterns and those of other living things. Also, weird but true – light affects us when it hits our skin, not only our eyes, so even a thick eye mask is not enough.
My bedroom has wooden blinds plus blackout curtains to block out streetlights and neighbors’ security lights. Just a tiny bit of light comes through my door from the small night light in the bathroom down the hall – a red one might be even better. When I’m in bed, I can’t see my hand in front of my face, but I can safely find the door using the bathroom once or twice a night, which is normal at midlife and beyond. A small red flashlight could be helpful too.
Interesting evidence shows that even a little bit of light can interfere with our healing rest. If you feel like increasing light would be helpful in the morning, there are sunrise alarm clock lamps that gradually brighten at dawn. And I know nothing about these motorized, remote-controlled blackout shades, but they definitely look intriguing.
When my husband and I lived on the Mexican border, our bedroom was a bit of a nightmare for me, featuring a computer and monitor screens for security cameras among many other glowing devices. I set up a standing room divider screen and went around with black tape covering up the annoying little signal lights on the smoke detector, TV, air conditioner remote, security radio, alarm system, etc.
To read in bed without bothering my husband, I used a small headlamp with a red bulb. A dimmed Kindle Paperwhite or similar night-friendly e-reader would also work well. Later, I switched to audiobooks with earbuds and a sleep timer setting – yes, lumpy ears, but no issue with light or TV in the bedroom.
Quieting the Mind for Restful Sleep
Disturbing news, movies, or social media posts put us in fight-or-flight mode rather than easing us into rest, and they can even color our dreams as our brains struggle to make sense of their content. Maybe if we watch calm, uplifting programs and then shift to a paper book or audio an hour before we want to fall asleep, we can avoid the blue light that interferes with our natural melatonin production. The same goes for our phones, of course.
In Brussels, my husband lived in an apartment near a hospital with nighttime traffic noise and frequent sirens. He was amazed at how much better he slept in our house in Virginia, which is still not a perfect haven – we can hear the nearby highway and Metro train, as well as noisy air conditioning compressors in summer. Total silence is rare in nature, and some sounds can be soothing – we sometimes pretend our nearby highway is a waterfall.
Calm voices tend to be reassuring, likely because gentle conversation tells us that others are awake and not detecting any dangers. Sleep stories, guided meditations, or calm audiobooks can produce this effect for us while also blocking out other sounds. I choose interesting but non-exciting content like “Salt: A World History” played at 0.7 or 0.8 speed with the sleep timer feature set for 30 minutes. I use bulky earbuds, but my husband simply sets his phone on his nightstand, playing the audio.
We all know that phone notifications are a sleep-killer. If we’re concerned about people needing to reach us in an emergency, we can create an override for calls or messages from favorites while silencing those dastardly scammers as well as friends who live in different time zones or keep different schedules.
Optimizing the Sensory Experience
Our bodies expect nighttime to be cooler than daytime, with 61 to 65 degrees Fahrenheit often mentioned as an optimal range for sleeping. Of course, partners may disagree about this. The BedJet is an innovative solution with a very creative commercial, recommended by a workshop participant with me. And having comfortable layers at hand is important too, because we can get hotter or colder during the night, especially if we’re going through hormonal changes.
In Germany, I learned to love fluffy, down-filled comforters, sticking out a hand or a foot when my body gets too hot. A warm shower or bath before bed accentuates our natural drop in temperature and can help ease us into sleep. I also love Warmies, microwaveable stuffed animals – a cuter version of my grandmother’s hot water bottle, and not just for kids.
Warm feet are especially soothing at night. I wear bison wool socks – nonslip socks are even more practical. A fine restaurant, a soaring cathedral, or a lovely garden can inspire a sense of mental and emotional serenity and well-being. Our bedroom environment can also promote tranquility for our mind, helping us surrender to deep rest.
It’s clear what does not help with that – more helpful, of course, we may have a partner with completely different ideas about what is soothing or what is acceptable. Besides negotiating, is it possible to carve out separate sleeping spaces, maybe even twin beds and a partition? Separate beds definitely help my husband and myself, since I tend to roll over several times during the night in a rather earthquake-like manner.
When traveling with others, I’ve been known to create my own meditative sleep space in a walk-in closet, on a balcony, or in a tent – the others at a ladies’ weekend in a big house all said they wished they’d brought one too. A good spa or massage room appeals to all of our senses with serene colors, music, scents, textures, hands-on touch, and even a relaxing cup of tea.
It may not be possible to repaint or redecorate or hire a massage therapist, but we can shift in a more sensory-friendly direction even with a few plants, artwork, and nice containers for clutter from a thrift store. Note that color does have a psychological impact beyond our preferences – red seems not to be such a good idea.
The Power of Scent and Texture
Our sense of smell has a deep connection with our emotions, and a pleasant scent at bedtime can set up a powerful sleep-promoting association. I like to mix a few drops of an essential oil with neutral jojoba oil as a nighttime lotion, and I tuck a sachet filled with natural lavender under my pillow. Other scents I find sensual and soothing include ylang-ylang, bergamot, sandalwood, cedar, pine, vetiver, and eucalyptus.
We’ve all had the experience of an itch or irritation keeping us awake. We can promote the opposite with soothing lotions, sheets, blankets, pajamas, and cozy sleep socks. I love organic cotton pajamas, and I think it’s worth splurging on high-quality sheets, like the ones from ABC Home.
Another aspect of touch is our mattress, pillow, and body positioning. Keeping our spine in a comfortable, neutral position not only helps us sleep but also promotes good posture and helps prevent back and joint issues. I sleep with a long body pillow and an expensive but great pillow from VR Naturals (no, I’m not an affiliate with any of these companies).
Putting It All Together
It’s a good idea to close our eating window at least two hours before sleeping to let our digestion rest. But there are still many great ways to associate a good taste with bedtime. How about a toothpaste we use only in the evening? This can also help us avoid late snacking. Herbal teas like chamomile or a sleepytime mixture without sweetening don’t break our overnight fast.
Some researchers and many individuals are concerned about the impact of electromagnetic fields on sleep and general health. The research isn’t clear yet, but we can consider some options that might help lower our risks. That’s what I’ve learned about creating a sleep sanctuary to support my own nighttime healing retreat, where my brain goes through its carwash, dreams work their mystery, memories consolidate, my immune system cleans house, and growth hormone is released to repair and rejuvenate my body.
I hope it has helped you with some ideas as well. Please let me know in a message or in the comments if you could use positive, empowering support to move you forward with your sleep or other areas of well-being. I’d love to offer you a free coaching session to dream up your vision of where you’d like to be and identify the three most impactful next steps to get there – with absolutely no obligation to continue with my powerful coaching. Let’s create your personalized bathroom retreat sanctuary together.
