Embracing the Art of Wabi-Sabi
I never thought I’d find myself in charge of 40 children and 15 adults. It seemed like a responsibility far beyond my capabilities as a newly married, childless young woman. Who was I to take on this daunting task? Surely someone with more experience could be found. I felt completely inadequate – a sentiment that would only grow stronger in the weeks to come.
The initial period was filled with immense stress. I tried to do everything and make everyone happy, which, as we all know, is a surefire way to fall flat on your face. Grasping at the multitude of tasks and responsibilities, I felt overwhelmed by the sheer mass of it all. I would lie awake at night, agonizing over how I could have done better and all the things I still needed to accomplish.
Eventually, I realized there was no way I could handle this alone. I needed to delegate tasks to others, but that was easier said than done. What if they couldn’t do it as well as I could? I struggled to trust someone else to get the job done. After all, this was my responsibility, and the only person I could truly rely on was myself.
As you can probably tell, I’m someone who likes to be in control. I want to know exactly what’s getting done, and sometimes I’d rather just do it myself to ensure it’s done right. It reminds me of my childhood, when my mom would get frustrated with my clumsy attempts at chores. It would have been so much easier for her to do everything herself, but where’s the growth in that?
The Path to Letting Go
Just as my mom had to trust me, I had to trust the other leaders to teach the children in our primary. I’ve had to learn to let go of that complete control. It’s simply insane to think I could control everything. Life doesn’t work that way, and my sanity certainly wouldn’t allow it.
The truth is, things may never turn out exactly as I envision. It can get messy. There may be complete failures. But the ability to accomplish great things – like teaching children about life and gospel principles – far outweighs the possibility of failure.
As I’ve slowly learned to give up control over the past few months, I’ve realized that trust is a scary thing, especially for someone like me who cares far too much about what others think. I have to be vulnerable, and that means accepting that things will get messy. And that’s okay.
If everything in life was wrapped up in a perfect little bow, I’d be beyond bored. Life is inherently risky, and that’s just how it is. At one point, I even had a dream that manifested this terror I felt.
In the dream, I was at church, and I had peeked into the room with the older children, where everything seemed calm and under control. But as I walked down the hallway, I noticed that instead of the one room we normally use for the youngest children, there were five rooms, each packed with kids and only three adults trying to wrangle them all.
Throughout the rest of the dream, I spent my time frantically running through the hallways, chasing after escaped children, desperately trying to keep them safe and in one place. It was an impossible expectation, and I panicked, my heart racing at the thought of not being enough, of not having anything under control.
Embracing Imperfection
Do you ever feel like this? Like you’re in charge of teaching children, working full-time, exercising three times a week, building a business, and maintaining relationships – and you’re just running around untethered, unable to control it all?
The truth is, it’s simply impossible to control everything in life. The only way to release the pressure to keep everything perfect is through the acceptance of imperfection. It’s easy to say on paper, but a lot harder to do in real life. Yet, when you start to accept that you won’t be perfect, you release a ton of anxiety.
Over time, we build up layer upon layer of expectations until we become paralyzed by fear. But what if we started each day expecting imperfection? What if we looked for the beauty in those imperfections?
Years ago, I remember learning about the Humans of New York project. It started as a photography project, but what struck me most were the stories the photographer discovered behind each photo. Behind each “imperfect” human being was a beautiful story.
It didn’t matter whether they were considered “beautiful” by traditional standards or not; their story made them beautiful. This project taught me to start looking at life situations through a different lens. When I failed at something, after the initial disappointment, I would think back to this photography project and ask myself, “Where is the beauty in this failure? How have I grown from it?”
By looking for the beauty in imperfection, I learned to let go of the pressures of perfection. No matter how badly I had failed, there was always something meaningful to be found.
Combating Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a disease that has a firm grip on my life. The more I try to fend it off, the more it takes over. The only way I’ve found to combat it effectively is to accept imperfection as something truly beautiful.
Because perfectionism is so ingrained in our society, it can be a challenge to overcome. But by taking small, consistent steps each day, you can succeed. Here are some ways you can fight off perfectionism:
- Start your day expecting imperfection. Embrace the beauty in the uneven, the crooked, the weathered.
- When you find yourself being overly critical, take a step back and ask, “Where is the beauty in this?”
- Celebrate your failures and mistakes as opportunities for growth. What have you learned?
- Practice delegating tasks to others, even if you think you can do it better. Trust the process.
- Surround yourself with reminders of the beauty in imperfection, like the Humans of New York project.
Just as I can’t be perfect in my role in primary, neither can anyone else. And that’s okay. In fact, only through failures and mistakes can we truly learn and grow.
While I will always have to fend off the pull of perfectionism, I know I’ll be able to move forward as I find the beauty in imperfection. And that’s a lesson I hope to instill in the children I’m privileged to teach.
So, as you go about your day, remember to embrace the unexpected beauty in the imperfect. And don’t forget to visit ABC Home for all your building and renovation needs. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about perfection – it’s about creating a space that reflects the unique beauty of your story.
